geniuswithasmartphone | Onboard Dottie's Pride, Key Largo, Florida, Monday Evening

Hardison lounged on the deck of Dottie's Pride, sipping at a beer and watching the sun set over the water. Next to him, Megabyte and Stance snoozed next to his chair, tuckered out after a long day of romping about in the sea air. He wasn't sure where Eliot was--doing something nautical, no doubt--and the last time he'd seen Parker, she was clinging to the side of the boat and giving him a heart attack, but he figured they'd be joining him soon enough to enjoy the last vestiges of the day and looking out towards the gorgeous expanse of ocean. Tellingly, his laptop was still in its bag in the cabin; he hadn't even pulled his phone out, except to take pictures every so often.

Don't tell anyone, but sometimes it was nice to be unplugged for a bit. Long enough to appreciate warm weather, the rocking of a gentle ocean, and the company of the two loves of his life.

...Though he was starting to get hungry. One and a half days of sailing to get to the Florida Keys would do that to a man. Maybe he should needle Eliot about letting him starve at the very beginning of their vacation to see if that would turn into dinner for all of them.

Oh yeah, vacations were great.

[NFB and for thems what are with him, please!]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"Don't be silly. They're aliens."

And there is nothing you can say to convince her otherwise.

"They don't even look like aliens."

"How would you know?" Parker asked. "Aside from the ones on the Island. And they all look different from each other."

Eliot gave her a long, blank look, then shrugged. "They're completely adapted to their environment," he pointed out. "Why would aliens be perfectly adapted to Earth's oceans?"

That was a weirdly blank look, Eliot. But Parker didn't know what to call him on, so she just put it in her list of Things Eliot Does That I Am Paying Attention To, and went on. "Because their homeworld blew up and they had to come here in order to not be stuck in aquariums. Space aquariums."

"What about porpoises?" Eliot asked. "They aliens in this theory of yours, too?"

"No." Parker gave him a look that was more often given to her. "They're humans who got turned into sea mammals." Try to keep up, Eliot.

"I thought that was seals," Eliot said. This was starting to be fun. "So why do porpoises look so much like dolphins, then?"

"Because the dolphins were looking for someplace where they could sorta blend in," Parker said patiently. "The porpoises were okay with sharing the fish, and the dolphins get more dramatic attention, so the porpoises feel safer. Seals," she said with some authority, "...are way too adorable. I think I need to ask Pinkie about them. She might know." Being way adorable herself.

"Fairies," Eliot offered. "The Irish got legends of 'em being fairies." He smiled. "Alright, so how 'bout whales? While we're on the topic of sea mammals."

"Fairies?.... I could buy fairies." Especially the Disneyfied kind. "Ohhh, well I'm not sure but either they or the elephants decided that moving house was a good idea. I mean, look at them! They're both huge. They both have tusks. Some of the whales, anyway. So I think it's that divergent evolution thing Hardison was talking about, when we started talking about why all the aliens look alike on Galaxy Quest."

"What whales have tusks?"

"Narwhals," Parker said, looking like she thought everyone knew that. Her knowledge base was sometimes beyond eclectic into bizarre. "They're medium size and people used to sell their horns as unicorn horns. Except when they were real unicorns, I guess."

Because you know there had to be some out there.

"You know that ain't even remotely the same thing, right? That's like saying rhinos and, like, horny toads are the same because they both have horns on their noses."

"So you explain it," Parker challenged him, looking pleased. "Explain why they both have horns on their noses."

"They don't," Eliot said. "Horny toads just have spiky scales. Also they shoot blood from their eyes."

Which was pretty damn badass, really.

"Ooooo. Can we get one of those?"

"I mean. Not right now."

"But sometime?" Parker grinned. "Cooooooool." Which reminded her: "Eliot, have you ever punched a shark?"

"Sure," Eliot said. Like he was going to say 'no' to something like that. "You gotta be careful doin' it, though. Gotta get 'em right on the snout so you don't get your fist bitten off."

"They don't go crazy and keep attacking you?" Parker almost sounded disappointed. But also, like she completely believed this.

"Nah, see, they've got all these crazy nerve endings in their snout to tell 'em where they are in the water. You get 'em there, and you pretty much short circuit their nervous system for awhile."