Roughly On Par with the Cakemaker of Kiev

Eliot. Eliot was counting. Eliot quite possibly had a tally somewhere of the minutes that Hardison was spending as a teddy bear. Sure, it was easier to deal with -- much easier to deal with -- with Parker being all properly human-shaped again, but he wanted his damn boyfriend back, please.

Wanted it enough that he'd actually spent some time cleaning any residue of the bugs and pollen and nonsense off Hardison's synthetic fur after class. Delicately. By hand. The internet said he could just throw a stuffed toy in the washer, but that seemed needlessly cruel.

He reached over for his beer to take a sip and found it empty. Which meant they were down to his last six pack. "We're running low on beer," he muttered, half to Parker, who was around here someplace, and half to himself. "Again."

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Parker hung down from the upstairs banister, and said, "Do you want to be drinking something else? Would it help if I drank with you?"

A drunken Parker, plus a teddy-bear Hardison and an upset Eliot was clearly a spectacular plan.

Edited Date: 2016-07-07 04:59 am (UTC)

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Eliot sighed the put upon sigh of the man who's chosen home liked to fuck with his head. "I probably shouldn't be drinking. This thing started sounding sarcastic and grumpy to me with all the 'wuvs' in class, today."

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Parker flipped off the landing, and touched down next to Eliot. She patted the Hardison-bear's head. "Or maybe he *is* sarcastic and grumpy. It's been a while now. I'm sure he's going into computer withdrawal." She reached over and carded her fingers through Eliot's hair. "But the not-drinking is probably a good plan."

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"Friendship is the beary best!" Hardison grumbled from his spot next to Eliot. The grooming had mollified him somewhat, but he was still annoyed at being a damn bear.

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"Yeah, I heard ya the first several dozen times," Eliot told the bear, even as he leaned into Parker's fingers. How did he deal with things before he had people to calm him down by playing with his hair? Right: not well. "See? Now I'm talking back to the bear."

He'd been talking back to the bear for 11 days, let's be real.

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"Hardison," Parker said very seriously to the bear, "We miss talking to human-you. Please be a human now. Also, I'm going to start drinking your orange soda soon." To Eliot, she said, "There, now we've both done it. See?"

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Hardison sat blankly, staring at them both with glassy eyes. Literal glass.

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Eliot had actually believed for a moment there that that might work. When it didn't, he rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and turned to go toss his empty beer bottle in the recycling.

"You already had him for the 4th, ya damn stupid island," he said, because if talking to Hardison didn't work, then talking to Fandom herself might. Or something. "You holdin' out for Labor Day, too?"

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Parker sighed and leaned into Eliot, because she was serious about the orange soda. She liked it much better when she was kissing the taste off Hardison's mouth, but trying to feed it to the teddy-bear would be futile.

"And now we're talking to the Island. Island, enough is enough."

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Maybe it was the island. Or maybe it was the laws of dramatic irony hard at work. Either way, Hardison-the-bear gave another cheery, "Wuv you beary much!" before tipping over facefirst onto the couch cushion he was seated on.

And a moment later, there was a tangle of gangly, naked limbs as Hardison-the-man struggled hard not to complete his fall and faceplant onto the floor.

He was, of course, keeping up a running monologue. "...threaten to drink my soda cause I missed the Fourth of July? Ain't even a real holiday! Not like Thanksgivin' or Christmas or--whoa!"

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It was alright, Hardison. Eliot would hold you up.

Possibly whether you wanted him to or not. For the next several hours at least.

"What the hell man don't you ever goddamn do that again at least ferrets and wolverines are alive --"

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"IT WORKED!" Parker shrieked, and immediately threw herself into the hug-pile, saying, "No no, we saved the soda for you, it's all there, what do you mean, Fourth of July is a real holiday, it has explosions, we missed you..."

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Going from teddy bear to naked man to getting dragged upright and clung to by his partners was disorienting to say the least, but Hardison was willing to roll with it. At least so long as they didn't expect him to answer any of the questions or comments they were flinging his way.

Hopefully being alive and a person again would count in his favor? "Hey," he said in a brief lull. "So, I guess y'all missed me?"

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In response, Eliot dragged him into a kiss. Not that there was much distance to drag him across. "A week and a half," he said, and kissed him again. "You don't do that again."

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Parker hugged him from behind, looping her arms around Hardison's waist. "We were getting worried. Even though we knew exactly where you were." She sighed and rested her chin on his shoulder, watching the kissing.

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"Man, it wasn't even my fa--" All protestations of his innocence were swallowed up by Eliot's mouth and Hardison couldn't find it in himself to argue with that lovely turn of events. His aggravation at being dragged around outside melted under the kiss and when he was let go again, his eyes were soft and his smile dopey. "A'ight, I'll try not to," he promised. "Yo, mama, you got a welcome back kiss for me?"

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Parker didn't bother even saying it, because duh. A happy, less-desperate (for having been a ferret for the first week, and never being completely alone) kiss which was still warm and welcoming and relieved. "Mmmmmm... not the same without you."

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"Damn straight," Eliot said, pulling back enough to give Parker room, but never quite losing contact with Hardison. "Had about enough of this transformation nonsense. You weren't even animate."

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Hardison's hand snaked down to clasp Eliot's, even as he drew Parker in for a second kiss, just as warm (and needy, he could admit it) as the first. It was only fair, since Eliot got two, right?

"Yo, you both started it," he said, voice a reassuring rumble in his chest. "I had to make up for lost time."

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"We're all even now. Right? Right?" Parker double-checked with the guys, leaning into Hardison. "Are you getting cold? Should we be putting you in bed with covers? I think we need to do that."

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"You've been a ferret twice," Eliot pointed out, relief giving over to his usual relaxed grumpiness. "And -- man -- you turned into a teddy bear. I think I got one up over both of ya."

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Parker's comment about being cold reminded Hardison that he'd turned back stark naked. Somehow, that didn't seem like such a tragedy, nestled between his partners the way he was.

"You askin' if you should put me to bed?" he checked. "Or if we should all go to bed. Cause one of them's a lot different than the other."

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"That last one. You can't warm up in a bed by yourself," Parker said emphatically, tugging on his hand, grinning. To Eliot, she said, "Don't get hurt or crazy for a year, and you can turn into a wolf if you really want to. For a week. If Hardison is okay with that. And Megabyte."

Hardison was back, Val was now Megabyte again!

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"You're going to give my dog an identity crisis." Grump grump grump.

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"We'll call her Val the whole week you're a wolf," Hardison promised. "But only if you don't get hurt and go crazy."

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